Do we not all have somebody whispering in our ear? The thoughts that say, go ahead eat the extra piece of cake, get that refill of Coke, super size it, I'm too tired to go to church, look at that porn site, run your car off the road, have another beer, one more cigarette". How often do we listen to that voice which may not be our own. I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce, where one particular ghost is trying to get to heaven, but he had a lizard on his shoulder that whispered thoughts of lust. In this story the ghost finally had the courage to listen to the angel and not the lizard. This is a great story to check out when dealing with sin. http://www.covenanteyes.com/2009/04/20/cs-lewis-on-lust. Will we have the courage to listen to God?
In my case, my whispering voice in my soul is the smoking man. During the days when the vice of lust was strongest, the smoking man would gather thoughts in my mind. "Go ahead, look at porn, you're not hurting anyone." However, you know your hooked once start looking at one site. Once you start looking it is hard to stop, jumping from site to site, body to body, using what is not of your own. The addiction growing, the pathways more ingrained in your brain. You tell him to stop but he keeps smoking away and cackling. On occasions I could smell the distinct smell of cigarette smoke in my mouth. He is my demon. Today, he doesn't come around as often but I must be on my guard.
Over the last several years I have been drawn to Saint Teresa of Avila's "Interior Castle", a castle of our soul, a castle which consists of many mansions. The lower mansions are filled with self knoweldge where the soul is in battle with sin and as Teresa describes it, "filled with snakes and vipers." In my castle, in the lowest room down a dark hallway, the smoke drifts from a partially open room. The room is dimly lit, but in the back you can see the shadow of a man, smoking a cigarette and grinning. Snakes cover the floor but the walls are littered with naked bodies, suggestive poses and a beckoning to enter with their bodies. Despite my fear of snakes the pull of lust is very strong. This is my fight in this lone room. The room now has a padlock. I gave the key to Jesus. Of course if I ask for the key, he will give it to me, reluctantly. His face will have an expression of sadness and disappointment but I won't care. That is the freedom that God gives us, whether right or wrong.
The whisper is not as strong today but still there. I must continue to be on my guard. Prayer and confession have all helped. Just to remember he is near by has kept me on my guard. The usage of porn today seems to this culture is a matter of fact. I am reminded of a line from the Big Bang Theory, where Howard tells Raj, "why can't you look at porn like everyone else!" Now I love the Big Bang Theory, but that line is probably pretty close to the truth in today's culture. "C'mon everyone's doing it."
How big of a problem is Porn and how does it effect the brain and our soul? By using Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle imagery of a soul in sin, "the poor soul becomes darkness itself." I will share more on the journey of our soul through the Interior Castle in my next post.
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