It is hard to be charitable when...

Last night in a parking lot, I mistakenly had bought 2 parking tickets for the same space. Instead of just pocketing the extra ticket I gave the ticket to the next car which came into the lot. "There, I've done my good deed for the day, right? Apparently the two men had just bought their own ticket, so I mentioned to them to give it to the next car which came into the lot. They in turn sold the ticket for $5 to the next gentleman. This was the same ticket which I had given it to them for free. Arrrgh!!! I went on with my evening not in a giving and charitable mood, but one of anger and frustration. Is this how I expected to be transformed during these days of lent? Apparently, I still have a lot of work to do. How dare my good deed go down the drain as other thoughtless human beings made decisions that trumped my own? Bottom line: I am a better person than them. I tried to be charitable and doing a good deed, and where does it get me? Where does this come from? One word, ego. I let my ego, self centered look on others take control of who I am. Words Of I and me, dot my own conversion with myself. Would Jesus have let this episode cloud his mind with hostility? I think not. He would always be self giving and not concerned how it would affect himself. I am reading a book called "A new Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. He talks about needing to transform our own minds to a higher level. Much of this revolves are letting go of the ego, a very hard thing to do. He says; "you do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you...and allowing that goodness to emerge." Eckhart Tolle, A new Earth.

Lenten reflections

There are two that I am following this Lent. Matthew Kelley and Robert Barron. Here are the links that you can sign up and get daily messages.  Great stuff!

Matthew Kelly's Best Lent Ever!

http://dynamiccatholic.com/bestlentever/blog-overview/


Robert Barron's Lenten Reflections

http://www.lentreflections.com/

Full Circle to the Truth

Full circle to the truth was a phrase uttered in one of the early X-FILES television episodes in finding truth through faith. This phrase has led me on a journey as I discover my own faith and how certain attractions within the Catholic Church have led me back along the circle. The circle of my faith started with the "That Man is You" a Catholic Men's program which led me to the wonderful teachings of Pope John Paul 2's Theology of the Body. This in turn drove my curiosity and fascination with several saints, especially St Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross.  Now after a spell of silence for a variety of reasons I have to go back at least and address the blogs from late this summer of "Whose thoughts are they"? 

Could it be a coincidence that almost at that same time, uninvited thoughts were entering the mind of a loved one close to me?

5 months later my outlook on what we may call "intrusive thoughts", mental health and suicide have completely turned around my opinions and views on these topics.  I have been humbled to my knees by taking such a narrow, tunnel visioned view on mental health.

5 months ago I would have convicted and found guilty James Holmes for the murders in the Aurora movie theater.  He claimed insanity, but he knew and planned the whole thing out in advance. How could he be insane with such a detailed plan?  

5 months ago in an earlier blog, I talked about smelling cigarette smoke when there was in fact no smoke around. These are called olfactory hallucinations (phantosmia). Compulsive hair pulling is something I have also done since a child. Who knew this had a name as well; Trichotillomania.  

2 months ago, three suicides from members of the local high school rocked our community.

I had referenced Robin Williams suicide and wondered how could he have done such a thing to himself and the family that loved him? Certainly an eye opening past 5 months in trying to come up to speed with knowledge and insight into mental health disorders. I have been reading everything I can find on the topic and have come across some fascinating pieces which I will address in blogs to come.

The main reason for this initial blog was centered around the themes of Theology of the Body. In the central context the main themes stemmed around our sexuality,  as God created us male and female. To take the whole body in context, body and spirit together and not as separate entities.  From the Catechism of the Catholic Church; " The unity of soul and body is so profound that one has to consider the soul to the form of the body:...spirit and matter, in man, are not two natures united, but rather their union forms a single nature." (CCC, 365)

In a recent blog last summer by Richard Beck quotes "mental illness requires incarnational theology and reflection. "Theological reflection must attend to embodiment, and this includes mental illness." Despression is about our bodies. But the Gnostic impulses within Christianity often obscure that fact. The brain is an organ of the body as much as our stomachs and livers."

During 2015 I plan to steer this blog and concentrate on mental health and how it relates to Theology of the Body.  Within our culture there is still much scorn and silence on this topic and I feel compelled to further the truth on mental health.

The future of humanity through marriage and the family!

6 wonderful short videos have been made from the just finished Humanum conference. They are all  on the Theology of the Body Institute web site or you can go just go to Humanum.it


These are wonderfully, well made videos from cultures all over the world. Enjoy and contemplate the meaning of humanity!


http://www.tobinstitute.org/2014/11/17/humanum-conference

The Darkness of the Soul

In Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle, she describes the darkness of the soul.  She writes, "the intention of a person who commits a mortal sin is not to please Him but to give pleasure to the devil; and, as the devil is darkness itself, the poor soul becomes darkness itself likewise"

Further, she describes the soul in sin as "rooted in a pool of pitch-black, evil smelling water, it produces nothing but misery and filth."

All this imagery that Teresa describes reminded me of an episode of Star Trek Next Generation, entitled "Skin of Evil." The creature called Armus, is pictured here. The black creature was left behind by an alien race which had perfected a means of bringing to the surface all that was evil and negative within, erupting, spreading, connecting. In time, it formed a second skin, dank and vile.

In a dialogue between Captain Picard and Armus; Picard quotes Percy Bysshe Shelly from "Prometheus Unbound"...

"All spirits are enslaved that serve things evil."

Armus: "You do not understand. I do not serve things evil; I am evil."
Captain Picard: "Oh, no. You're not."
Armus: I am a skin of evil, left here by a race of Titans, who believed if they rid themselves of me, they would free the bonds of destructiveness.

Back to the Interior Castle, St. Teresa goes onto say; "I know of a person to whom Our Lord wished to show what a soul was like when it committed mortal sin.That person says that, if people could understand this, she thinks they would find it impossible to sin at all..." That person she is referring to is Teresa, herself.

In our fallen world we are all subject to sin and this vile, blackness that can coat our soul. To me that imagery is revolting that are souls can look like Armus. In our world, we have a savior that can free ourselves from the bonds of evil. That savior is Jesus Christ. We need the cleansing, pure water of grace that can clear off the muck and slime from our souls. Pray, Brothers and Sisters that in St. Teresa's words that "surely if you understand your own natures, it is impossible that you will not strive to remove the pitch which darkens the the crystal of your soul."

I am scrubbing as we speak...

Check out this article, "Losing our Touch" by Richard Kearney

Christopher West had passed this article called Losing our Touch by Richard Kearney. It has Theology of the Body written all over it.  Here are some snip its from the article. I would highly recommend your read the whole article with the link here!  http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/30/losing-our-touch/?_php=true&_type=blogs&ref=opinion&_r=0



"Are we perhaps entering an age of “excarnation,” where we obsess about the body in increasingly disembodied ways? For if incarnation is the image become flesh, excarnation is flesh become image. Incarnation invests flesh; excarnation divests it."

"For all the fascination with bodies, our current technology is arguably exacerbating our carnal alienation. While offering us enormous freedoms of fantasy and encounter, digital eros may also be removing us further from the flesh."Pornography, for example, is now an industry worth tens of billions of dollars worldwide. Seen by some as a progressive sign of post-60s sexual liberation,  pornography is, paradoxically, a twin of Puritanism. Both display an alienation from flesh — one replacing it with the virtuous, the other with the virtual. Each is out of touch with the body."

"Because to love or be loved truly is to be able to say", “I have been touched.”

Whose thoughts are they? Part 2, "The Smoking Man"

Do we not all have somebody whispering in our ear? The thoughts that say, go ahead eat the extra piece of cake, get that refill of Coke, super size it, I'm too tired to go to church, look at that porn site, run your car off the road, have another beer, one more cigarette". How often do we listen to that voice which may not be our own.  I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce, where one particular ghost is trying to get to heaven, but he had a lizard on his shoulder that whispered thoughts of lust. In this story the ghost finally had the courage to listen to the angel and not the lizard. This is a great story to check out when dealing with sin. http://www.covenanteyes.com/2009/04/20/cs-lewis-on-lust. Will we have the courage to listen to God?

In my case, my whispering voice in my soul is the smoking man. During the days when the vice of lust was strongest, the smoking man would gather thoughts in my mind.  "Go ahead, look at porn, you're not hurting anyone." However, you know your hooked once start looking at one site. Once you start looking it is hard to stop, jumping from site to site, body to body, using what is not of your own. The addiction growing, the pathways more ingrained in your brain. You tell him to stop but he keeps smoking away and cackling. On occasions I could smell the distinct smell of cigarette smoke in my mouth.  He is my demon. Today, he doesn't come around as often but I must be on my guard.

Over the last several years I have been drawn to Saint Teresa of Avila's "Interior Castle", a castle of our soul, a castle which consists of many mansions.  The lower mansions are filled with self knoweldge where the soul is in battle with sin and as Teresa describes it, "filled with snakes and vipers." In my castle, in the lowest room down a dark hallway, the smoke drifts from a partially open room.  The room is dimly lit, but in the back you can see the shadow of a man, smoking a cigarette and grinning.  Snakes cover the floor but the walls are littered with naked bodies, suggestive poses and a beckoning to enter with their bodies.  Despite my fear of snakes the pull of lust is very strong. This is my fight in this lone room. The room now has a padlock. I gave the key to Jesus. Of course if I ask for the key, he will give it to me, reluctantly. His face will have an expression of sadness and disappointment but I won't care. That is the freedom that God gives us, whether right or wrong.

The whisper is not as strong today but still there. I must continue to be on my guard. Prayer and confession have all helped. Just to remember he is near by has kept me on my guard. The usage of porn today seems to this culture is a matter of fact. I am reminded of a line from the Big Bang Theory, where Howard tells Raj, "why can't you look at porn like everyone else!" Now I love the Big Bang Theory, but that line is probably pretty close to the truth in today's culture. "C'mon everyone's doing it."

How big of a problem is Porn and how does it effect the brain and our soul?  By using Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle imagery of a soul in sin, "the poor soul becomes darkness itself."  I will share more on the journey of our soul through the Interior Castle in my next post.